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People have been known to drink the urine of pregnant women to build up their immune system. The sperm count of an average American male compared to thirty years ago is down thirty percent. (Say, that is good news. 30% better chance the "Pull out and pray method" will actually work.) The average amount of time spent kissing for a person in a lifetime is 20,160 minutes. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C. The average adult has approximately six pounds of skin. In one day, adult lungs move about 10,000 liters of air. The condom made originally of linen was invented in the early 1500's. Casanova, the womanizer, used linen condoms. Sex burns about 70-120 calories for a 130 pound woman, and 77 to 155 calories for a 170 pound man every hour.During pregnancy, the average woman's uterus expands up to five hundred times its normal size. Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 U.S. states. There are approximately 45 billion fat cells in an average adult. Kissing can aid in reducing tooth decay. This is because the extra saliva helps in keeping the mouth clean. During the female orgasm, endorphines are released, which are powerful painkillers. So headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex. During World War II, condoms were used to cover rifle barrels from being damaged by salt water as the soldiers swam to shore. May babies are on avearge 200 grams heavier than babies born in other months. When a woman is pregnant, her senses are all heightened. Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery You know, there's big money in kidneys and look, he has two of them. Whoops! Hey has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? Please accept this sacrifice, oh great lord of darkness. Easy come, easy go. Boy, an instruction manual would've been nice. Can you stop that thing from beating, it's driving me crazy! What do you mean it was the left one that was bad? Better save that, we may need it for the autopsy. I hope this guy has insurance. It's a pleasure to be working with you Dr. Hannibal Lecter. I guess we could just flip a coin. Anyone got a quarter? Hehe, go ahead poke it and watch his leg twitch. Hot potato, hot potato. I see dead people. If this doesn't work we might need to charge up the paddles. Isn't this the guy who slept with your wife Doctor? Hey look, no hands! Of course this is ethical. Nurse, did the patient sign the donor card? Righty tighty, lefty loosey Can someone call the janitor, we're going to need a mop. Thank God for malpractice insurance. The transformation is almost complete. Wish me luck. On the bright side, I did save a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Gieco. What do you think, 4.99 a pound? Break a leg doctor. Need Some Advice on Life? Just say thank you if a midget walks by and says your hair smells nice. If you ever find yourself in a hole, you should stop digging immediately. Trust me, a little ignorance can go a long way. Not everyone can learn to do things well. So find a way to enjoy doing them badly. Don't ever sleep with someone crazier than yourself. Handcuffs are fun, but not when they are a part of a "sex set", that includes jumper cables and a car battery. Always go in the other line. It moves faster. Don't try to make things idiot proof. Idiots are ingenious and will find a way to mess it up. Never get married. It is better to have loved and lost, than to put up with all her shit for 50 years. Don't be afraid of death. It's just nature's little way of telling you, you need to slow down. Always hold your wife's hand. (if you let go, there is no telling what she'll buy.) Never take a blind date to a silent movie. Women, you don't have to hootchify yourself to be beautiful. If you don't like brushing your teeth, only brush the ones you want to keep. Nothing motivates you more than the last minute.
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